unholy dang, it is a new post

hey blog, whoa blog. I know it has been a while since I have talked to you, the internet, so here are some ideas I have been thinking of lately:
-Teaching classes at the Learning Annex that are suited to my areas of expertise. These would be: Grilled Cheese cookery, Minutiae, Discussing the defining features of Bruce Springsteen’s face, Drawing a picture of a dog. If any of these things interest you, call the local community college and let them know I am free most weekends.
-A man getting so excited he can do a couple of amazing feats. These are 1. Playing a trumpet with his ding-dang, and 2. Tearing someone’s head off and throwing it into space, or just tearing apart a roasted chicked really quickly with his bare hands.
-A television special about Bears. Just like, a really good one, not in the vein of a Fox special, but maybe one where they train Pandas to sit around a table and have an English Tea service, or possibly just read an issue of Vogue (probably Australian Vogue). This is what I want to see on television.

Or maybe a friend’s closet.

I kind of pride myself on being able to verbalize yearnings. Usually this is with food stuffs. Like the other day I was really in the mood to eat lamb and I did so. Yet another day I realized I wanted to eat some heavily salted corn on a sandy beach.

Today I am really in the mood to pee in a coffin. Like actually be closed inside a coffin, maybe propped up against the wall, and let fly yellow on the velvet lining. I realize this is probably outside the realm of possibility, so I will have to do the next best thing and find a port-o-potty. Or a small change room at the mall.